A Nineteen-Year Connection: The Lasting Bond Between Charissa and Marisa

By: Rachel Tan Yuan

Charissa grew up in a household where both her parents worked long hours. In those years, it was Marisa, their foreign domestic worker from the Philippines, who became a constant presence in Charissa’s life. Over 19 years of living together, Marisa was more than a helper—she became like a second mother to Charissa.

Charissa has two siblings, both of whom were closer to one of their parents. As the middle child, Charissa found herself closest to Marisa. Sharing a room allowed them to grow close, and she was often comforted by Marisa’s gentle, non-judgmental presence that she found deeply comforting. 

Childhood Memories of Care

The depth of their bond was evident from Charissa's earliest memories. When she was just four or five years old, she would plead to accompany Marisa on her off days. Marisa would eventually relent, only to have a restless young Charissa cut the day short by repeatedly asking, "Are we going home yet?"

Another one of Charissa’s childhood memories dates back to Primary 1. She wanted to buy Marisa a birthday gift but had no money. After seeing a numbered-lock notebook sitting in the school’s lost-and-found for months, she stole it and gave it to Marisa as a gift. Later, when Charissa’s older sister unlocked the notebook and realised it was filled up with someone else’s writing, Marisa did not know whether to laugh or cry. It captured the innocence of a child who wanted to give, despite having nothing to give, and remains a fond memory for the family.

Marisa’s care for the family extended beyond daily meals and chores. She listened attentively whenever Charissa spoke and offered guidance and affirmation without judgment. To Charissa, she was a safe space; a trusted confidante. She nurtured Charissa’s character, ingraining in her the value that being a good person was far more important than achieving good grades—a lesson that still resonates today.

A Memorable Trip to Manila

Marisa eventually returned home to the Philippines after Charissa completed her A-levels, leaving a palpable void in the home. Five years later, while on a mission trip in the Philippines, Charissa decided to extend her stay to reconnect with Marisa and get a glimpse of her life beyond her role as a domestic worker. Though she couldn’t visit Marisa’s hometown due to safety concerns, they spent several days together in Manila, returning to familiar rhythms. They shared simple pleasures—getting pedicures, eating good food, and catching up on years of stories.

Charissa recalled that the reunion felt like nothing had changed—as if no time had passed. During the trip, she noticed a small, familiar gesture she had completely forgotten: Marisa asking every few minutes, “Did you drink water?” It reminded her of the care and attentiveness that Marisa had constantly shown her over the years.

Charissa also noticed that Marisa was still using an old, worn-out phone. Marisa explained that when Charissa’s family gifted her with a new phone before she left for home, her nephew had borrowed it and never returned it. Knowing this, Charissa decided to buy Marisa a new phone on that trip. The gift was a way to show her gratitude and a way to honour the bond they had shared for so many years.

Lessons and Reflections

The trip to Manila made Charissa realise just how much Marisa had shaped her life and her family. It wasn’t just the chores Marisa helped with around the house—it was her presence, her patience, her quiet assurance, and the small, everyday acts of care that had made a lasting difference. Her departure also made her aware of how much she had relied on Marisa, not just for practical support (like coping with the small responsibilities she had previously overlooked), but also for emotional grounding.

A Call for Respect

Charissa emphasises the importance of treating foreign domestic workers with respect, which she urges all employers to adopt:

“Respect is very important. By treating FDWs with respect, it goes both ways. These domestic helpers are people they employ, and some people overstep those rights they think they have because they hired them. We shouldn’t treat them as lower just because they are people who are helping you.”

The story of Charissa and Marisa illustrates how sustained care, respect, and reciprocity can build lifelong bonds. It encourages families to honour their foreign domestic workers as more than just helpers, appreciating the lives and stories they carry outside the home. Respecting them as employees with rights can transform not only the helper’s experience but the family’s as well.

Maid of Honour honours the resilience and sacrifices of foreign domestic workers. For more information on fair employment practices, please visit our Instagram.

Disclaimer: The stories shared reflect personal experiences and may not represent all FDWs in Singapore. Each story is told to encourage understanding and respect. Any material, information or views expressed are those of the organisers and do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of any other supporting organisation.