How a Foreign Domestic Worker Helped Daphne Find Love & Acceptance

Loud in her love, quiet in her care, and unwavering in her support for Daphne to be herself.

By Freya Low Yi

What is acceptance? Is it a word, feeling or a place? Is it the warmth of being understood without explanation, or the quiet assurance that who you are is enough? 

For Daphne, acceptance didn’t come from the places people usually expect. It came from her beloved helper, Auntie Gina, who was her caregiver for 14 years.

From a young age, Auntie Gina taught Daphne how to read and raised her as if she was her own daughter while Daphne’s parents were working. 

Their mornings together formed a treasured routine: sitting on the floor, taking turns to read the newspaper or horoscopes in comics. Gina would also read storybooks like Dora the Explorer and Clifford the Big Red Dog, patiently helping Daphne identify new words. 

These early lessons gave Daphne the uncanny ability to remember stories, and by the age of two, she could recite them from memory. Her mother, astonished, asked, “Who taught you this?” 

The answer was always the same: Auntie Gina.

The two shared a close and enduring familial relationship, with Auntie Gina supporting Daphne in ways her parents could not. 

Growing up, Daphne was often bullied in primary school. When she got home from school, Auntie Gina would soothe her wounds with aloe vera, and comfort her with a hug and sit by her side. Knowing she had someone she could turn to, Daphne always felt supported.

At the time, Daphne’s mother misunderstood what was happening at school, seeing her as a rebellious child who neglected her homework rather than recognising the challenges she faced. Her father, busy with work and emotionally reserved, was unable to offer the support she needed. 

Naturally, Auntie Gina became the closest person to a parental figure in Daphne’s life.

Auntie Gina became the first adult she confided in about her sexuality. As Daphne grew into adolescence, she continued sharing her small joys with Gina—including the excitement of her first girlfriend in polytechnic when she was 17.

One day, it was just Auntie Gina and Daphne at home while her parents were out doing groceries. Daphne quickly showed her a picture of her girlfriend.

Auntie Gina exclaimed, “I’m so glad you found somebody, look at you!”

Aware of the unsupportive nature of Daphne’s parents, Auntie Gina reassured her gently, “I know your parents would not really be accepting of who you are. I just want you to know that I am really proud of you.”

For Daphne, those warm affirmations meant everything. 

Last December, Auntie Gina went back to the Philippines for good. Daphne described the gap left by Gina’s absence, “My family isn’t very good with emotional conversations… Now that she’s not here, I don't have anybody to talk to… about my sexuality.”

While Daphne’s sisters are supportive of her, she longs for acceptance from her parents. “We need that acceptance from somebody we consider a parental figure, especially for the queer community,” she explained. 

Despite the distance, Daphne and Auntie Gina remain in touch on Facebook. Auntie Gina makes it a point to wish her on her birthday every year. Once, she even jokingly asked Daphne if she had brought her girlfriend to her family’s Chinese New Year celebrations.

Daphne misses her dearly, “After she left, soup has never tasted the same.” She fondly recalls her soups, especially the corn and pork rib soup, even claiming how her sister refuses to drink any other soup now that Auntie Gina is gone.

Daphne added, “I like to annoy her when she’s cooking. I just like being mischievous with people I care about. She’ll let me disturb her. With my parents, there’s no room for that playfulness and mischief.”

Through her love and guidance, Gina instilled in Daphne many important values, including humility, gratitude, and the ability to find joy even in difficult circumstances. She nurtured Daphne’s childlike wonder, teaching her to notice the small, beautiful details in the world, and shaped many of her core beliefs, such as the philosophy that “We have to let life experience us, not simply experience life.”

Treating FDWs with Empathy

“My mom always taught me that we should respect everyone equally, no matter where they come from,” Daphne said. Over the years, she has heard countless horror stories of foreign domestic workers (FDWs) being treated unfairly—stories that shocked her.

“Empathy is key,” she explained. “They likely come from different walks of life. We should try to understand each other more, to build a healthy foundation of trust. Don’t turn them away. Be respectful of their needs.”

Daphne recalls a particularly harrowing story of a helper living across from her home who was mistreated. 

“Whenever the employer left the house, she would pile food in the cabinet so that when the employer came back, the exact amount of food was there. The helper was not allowed to eat from it.”

Auntie Gina would cook extra and secretly sneak food over to her when the employer was away, careful that neighbours didn’t see her.

Daphne reflected on other common mistreatment cases, “Sometimes, FDWs are not allowed to eat until their employers have eaten. They work past their bedtime when they are supposed to be resting, forgoing their leave days. Isn’t that a violation of human rights?”

“It’s very disheartening to see them treated like tools. I get that they are employed to help, but they are still human. How you treat your FDWs says a lot about the kind of person you are. I’ll always take it as a red flag when I see someone treat their domestic helper this way.”

Maid of Honour honours the resilience and sacrifices of foreign domestic workers. For more information on fair employment practices, please visit our Instagram.

Disclaimer: Daphne is an alias to respect her privacy. The stories shared reflect personal experiences and may not represent all FDWs in Singapore. Each story is told to encourage understanding and respect. Any material, information or views expressed are those of the organisers and do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of any other supporting organisation.