The Life-Saving Power of a Trusted Relationship

By: Rachel Tan Yuan

On a Tuesday morning in November 2025, a coffee shop at Telok Blangah Heights was suddenly engulfed in thick, acrid smoke. As patrons fled, two elderly family members, aged 89 and 85, sat vulnerable in their wheelchairs.

Their helper, Ms. Nesa Verina, didn’t run. She stayed calm, wetting towels to shield them from the smoke and pushing both wheelchairs through the haze. When she realised she could not push the two wheelchairs down four flights of stairs, she took off her shoes and threw them at a fire engine to signal for help. Her quick thinking saved the lives of the elderly, as the firefighters who were alerted immediately evacuated them.

Ms. Nesa’s heroic act wasn't just about training—it was born from a relationship of trust and love. 

We spoke with Mr. Tay, Director of Best Home Employment Agency, who shared that the strongest households are built on a two-way street: when you value your FDW, she adds value to your household.

To reach this level of harmony, however, families must first navigate the common "friction points" of conflict.

Three Core Causes of Conflict

According to Mr. Tay, common disputes between employers and helpers stem from three areas where expectations and reality often collide.

1. The Adaptation Gap

Most helpers arrive in Singapore from rural villages. Tasks that seem "simple" to us, like navigating the MRT, using an NTUC trolley token, or operating an advanced air fryer, can be overwhelming and extremely foreign for them.

Employers tend to rush their helper’s process of learning, expecting a flawless performance from day one. Mr. Tay urges employers to allow at least one week for environmental adaptation. "Give them time to adapt to the environment first rather than hope for perfection right at the beginning," he said.

2. The "Zero-Fault" Trap

Tension often rises when employers expect 100% accuracy in routines or strict adherence to timing, viewing any deviation as a sign of disrespect. Take for example, a helper returning late from her rest day. To an employer, it is easy to assume the worst—that she is being rebellious or irresponsible.

However, the reality might be far more relatable. A helper who is not yet familiar with Singapore's geography may have simply missed her bus stop or miscalculated how long the transport system takes. 

Empathy can make all the difference. Instead of immediately assuming the worst, taking a moment to understand your helper’s perspective can prevent unnecessary tension. At the same time, helpers benefit when employers communicate clearly and patiently about routines, priorities, and expectations.

3. Changing Household Needs

As families grow or elderly parents age, the helper’s workload inevitably changes. For example, a helper who was hired for housekeeping may struggle initially when asked to become a medical caregiver for a parent with dementia. In these situations, expecting her to manage everything without support can lead to stress, mistakes, and burnout.

Employers should be realistic and compassionate when household needs change. It is important to provide practical assistance: offer caregiver training or courses, adjust schedules to allow for rest, or consider hiring a second helper temporarily. Open communication is key—discuss new responsibilities clearly, check in regularly, and create space for questions or concerns. By acknowledging the challenges helpers face and supporting them through transitions, employers not only ensure better care for their family members but also strengthen trust, respect, and a sense of partnership in the household.

The Helper as the Household’s "First Responder"

Mr. Tay shared a deeply personal story about his father.

Mr. Tay did not immediately recognise the early signs of dementia in his father. But his helper did. Because she spent the most time with his father each day, she began to notice small but important changes: how far he could walk before becoming tired, how he would wake up disoriented in the middle of the night, and subtle shifts in his appetite and eating habits. 

She carefully shared these observations with the doctor, offering a clear, day-to-day picture of his condition. With this insight, the doctor was able to identify the signs of early dementia in Mr. Tay’s father, and put the right care plan in place.

“The helper knows in detail… all these she relayed to the doctor,” Mr. Tay said.

Mr. Tay chose to trust his helper, to listen to her, and to involve her in his father’s care. With that trust and shared understanding, his father received the support he needed until his final days.

Practical Steps to Build a Relationship of Reciprocal Respect

Building a lasting, positive bond with your helper does not require grand gestures or expensive investments; rather, it begins with a fundamental shift in how we view her presence in our households. 

That shift is reflected in how we support her day to day. Instead of simply handing over a list of chores, we can offer guidance. This might mean sitting down together to watch a YouTube tutorial for a new recipe or using pre-packed local foods to help her ease into the nuances of Singaporean cooking. By investing this time, we are not just teaching a skill; we are building her confidence and showing her that we are on the same team. 

The key to a harmonious home is what Mr. Tay describes as "communication, communication, communication." This starts from the very first day and continues through every change in the household. Being upfront about everything—from how to handle household emergencies to clear policies on phone usage—prevents the small misunderstandings from growing into conflict. While an agency can help mediate the minor hurdles, the heartbeat of the home is created by the employer every single day. 

When a helper feels safe, respected, and cared for, she is no longer just an employee. She becomes the one who holds the household together, the trusted guardian who stands firm when it matters most—even in the face of fire.

Maid of Honour honours the resilience and dedication of foreign domestic workers. If you are looking for ways to strengthen the relationship with your helper or wish to learn more about fair employment practices, connect with us at our Instagram: @maidofhonour.sg and on our website: maidofhonoursg.com.

Disclaimer: The stories shared reflect personal experiences and may not represent all FDWs in Singapore. Each story is shared to encourage understanding and respect. Any material, information, or views expressed are those of the organisers and do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of any supporting organisation.