The Mutual Value Mindset: Creating Positive, Two-Way Employer–Helper Relationships

We spoke to Magdalene and Lynn from My Employment Agency, who shared common challenges faced by Foreign Domestic Workers (FDWs), and insights into building positive employer-helper relationships.

By Freya Low Yi

What makes a household run smoothly? How do respect and trust shape daily life? And what does it take for everyone to feel valued and supported? 

Beyond routines and responsibilities, a household thrives on relationships grounded in mutual respect, trust, and communication. When helpers feel valued, they are empowered to give their best, creating a harmonious home for all. This mutual exchange benefits everyone and creates a strong two-way employer-helper relationship.

In conversation with Magdalene and Lynn from My Employment Agency, we learned about the key challenges faced by FDWs and practical strategies for building supportive and harmonious relationships between employers and helpers..

Understanding Cultural Differences

Firstly, many employers may not realise that helpers come from different backgrounds, where household tools, appliances, and standards of cleanliness in Singapore may differ from what they are accustomed to back at home. When a helper takes time to adjust or learn, it often reflects these differences, not a lack of effort. 

Language barriers are often a key challenge. When helpers first arrive in Singapore, they may have limited English speaking competencies. Therefore, employers are encouraged to give them sufficient time of at least six months to gradually pick up the language. 

Employers can support this transition by providing proper orientation at home, allowing time for helpers to get familiar with household routines, acquainted with family members and expectations. For instance, even if a foreign domestic worker has some experience in cooking, the food culture in Singapore and what she is familiar with back at home is different, hence she would require time to learn and adapt before feeling confident in preparing local dishes.

Other potential areas for conflict include salary payments; employers should clearly communicate expectations. While salaries are usually due by the 7th of the month, some helpers may expect payment at the end of the month. Open discussion helps both parties understand and align expectations.

Magdalene also addressed misconceptions about helpers’ rest periods. Take for example, if a helper stays up late to care for a baby, such as feeding or changing diapers, employers should ensure she is given time to rest during the day to fulfill the required eight hours of sleep. Adequate rest is essential for both physical and emotional well-being. With patience and understanding, both employers and helpers can build smoother and supportive working relationships.

The Value of Attentive Care

Sometimes, a helper’s value goes far beyond household tasks. For example, Magdalene shared a story of how an Indonesian helper, while caring for the employer’s  grandmother, noticed some unusual behaviours. For example, Grandma was asking repeated questions and had frequently misplaced her personal items. She shared this observation with the family and encouraged them to bring Grandma to see a doctor. This led to an early diagnosis of dementia. 

The family later reflected that, had they known their mother was showing these signs, they would have engaged a helper sooner. They were deeply grateful that the helper was attentive to their mother’s symptoms, and allowed them to seek treatment  in time, providing the care their mother needed, while other family members were busy working. Whether it’s noticing subtle changes in health or offering emotional support, foreign domestic workers  often see what busy family members may miss. Their roles extend far beyond chores—they are attentive caregivers, trusted companions, and vital in safeguarding a family’s well-being.

Building Trust and Positive Relationships

A strong foundation of trust and good employer-helper relationship are often reasons why Foreign Domestic Workers  choose to renew their contracts with employers. 

Simple acts of kindness such as saying please and thank you go a long way. Foreign Domestic Workers feel valued and happy when they are being treated as part of the family. 

Clear communication is also essential, particularly regarding salary adjustments and changes to rest days, to ensure mutual understanding and prevent misunderstandings.

Lynn and Magdalene also recounted a touching story of how a foreign domestic worker made a real difference to a family by caring for an autistic child.  

Initially, the helper struggled to balance household chores and caring for the child, and she was also afraid of the family’s dog. Despite these challenges, she persevered  and did not  give up. Her genuine love for the child helped her form a close bond with him. She even organised a surprise birthday party for him, caring for him as if he was her own child. 

Over six years, she became the anchor of the family. When the child’s mother went on business trips, she could leave with a peace of mind, knowing the helper was reliably taking care of the household and her children.

Caring for FDWs’ Well-Being

These stories remind us that a household thrives when respect, trust, and understanding guide daily life.  

Valuing a helper’s well-being, effort, and contributions empowers her to give her best in return. This mutual exchange creates a healthier, harmonious household, where both employers and helpers feel respected and supported.

Maid of Honour honours the resilience and dedication of foreign domestic workers. For more information on fair employment practices, visit our Instagram.

Disclaimer: The stories shared reflect personal experiences and may not represent all FDWs in Singapore. Each story is shared to encourage understanding and respect. Any material, information, or views expressed are those of the organisers and do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of any supporting organisation.